Today was my power clean max day. I learned a lot about myself while being in the gym this morning. I failed at all 3 of the max chances I had. I cleaned 105 lbs, but kept failing at 110.. my goal was 120 lbs. I did not reach my goal. I was more than bummed. I was frustrated, mad, angry, and felt defeated and like a failure. All completely unacceptable. After completing my workout, I left the gym in tears. TEARS? Yes.

I got in the way of myself today. I allowed my negativity to over power any bit of confidence that I had. I know what I should have done: I should have said, “F*ck, I didn’t get it, but next time I will. Now go kill the rest of your workout.” But I didn’t do that at all.

I learned from today that this whole training process isn’t about getting stronger, lifting heavier, and sculpting my body… it’s about taking every day as it comes, dealing with issues in the present (not harping on them), and really trying to improve my attitude. It’s about growing MENTALLY tougher. I will continue to feel defeated unless I change my mentality. Some days I have a great mentality and have a phenomenal workout, but that needs to change to EVERY day. I’m not saying I need to have a great workout every day, because that’s just not realistic, but I need to work on understanding that nobody is perfect, I will fail lifts, I will have off days, but I will also get right back up and move the F on because I’ll never progress if I don’t.

I went back to my moms house after the gym, still clearly upset. She sent me this e-mail a few hours later:

Lauren,
I thought about what you said earlier about failing at your workout…… You are not a failure or a quitter and never have been in the 20 years you have been my daughter.  Who would have thought that you could start training for a half marathon and 2 months later run it in record time your first time out.
When you set your mind on a goal you are tenacious and you don’t give up until you reach your goal. You may have set backs along the way, but you will get right back on track and succeed. I have no doubt about that. Pace yourself and never ever doubt what you are capable of. Isn’t that what you always tell your clients? That they are capable of more than they think they are.
Love you,
Mom

Moral of THAT story: always listen to your mother.

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